Fun fact – you will graduate college eventually. Yep, your closet of yoga pants, too-short khaki shorts, and t-shirts you got for free will soon be replaced with a closet full of business casual. But don’t regret it – growing up is fun (or at least that’s what I’m telling myself)! Still, there’s a few barriers we have to overcome before we can enter the real world. So grab your pizza Lunchable and a Sunny-D, and enjoy the top six reasons you’re not ready for the real world.
1. You treat email like text messages.
To start, if your primary email address is puppy__luvr92xxx@aol.com, you’ve got a problem. Your email address should be your name and/or initials, with as few underscores and numbers as possible. You should also create an email signature for your primary email account with your contact information.
Moving past the basics, remember the “The C’s” of emailing: clarity, concision, and choosiness.1 Be clear – tone of voice and slang don’t translate well within emails. Be concise – say only what’s necessary. Be choosy – is this appropriate for email? Should I really hit “reply all?” Sometimes, email isn’t the best option. There’s this function on your iPhone called “Phone” that can be useful.
In summary, don’t be George R.R. Martin when you email.2
2. You’re still mixing up your words.
I’m not saying you have to write as well as Jane Austen3 to become an adult. Still, you should probably avoid ending up on a Buzzfeed list of “29 people who are causing past English teachers to roll over in their graves.” Even if you hate writing. Don’t worry, we’re here to help.
3. You aren’t giving yourself enough credit.
Here’s an example of a sentence you should never say: “Perhaps I am the right person for this job—Maybe.” This applies to your writing as well. Here’s a short list of words you shouldn’t include in your next thesis4: maybe, somewhat, perhaps, probably, possibly, kinda, I think, seems. Be confident in your writing and in your arguments. I mean it.
4. You’re still waiting to start that paper due tomorrow.
I know what you’re gonna say- “But Scott, this just proves that I can work under a deadline/under pressure/in tough situations/quickly.” Rubbish. If you have a legitimate reason to start your 6 page paper at 9pm the night before, then I support you. But just remember that you’re gonna need an even more legitimate excuse when your boss asks you how your progress is on that project you were supposed to start 2 weeks ago.
5. You’ve been wondering why your vacuum isn’t working and are just finding out it’s because you have to empty it occasionally.
A coworker who shall remain unnamed recently told me this about herself. This has nothing to do with writing, but who are you and what have you done with your common sense?
6. You let your mom, roommate, or that random guy down the hall always quoting Shakespeare read through your paper instead of bringing it in to the Writing Center.
Does Warren Buffett ask his twitter followers the next company he should invest in? Will you ask your next-door neighbor to help you perform a hip replacement surgery at the hospital? Do you ask people from the north what their favorite brand of sweet tea is?5 Then you shouldn’t let Joe Schmo help you with your writing. Come see us – we’re trained, willing, energetic, and confident we can help you.
- Scott
Notes
1 I just made these up, but I added quotation marks to sound official.
2 Actually, don’t be like George R.R. Martin ever. He’s real bad at keeping friends.
3 If you don’t know who Jane Austen is, stay in school until you find out.
4 Probably. It’s English; there’s always exceptions.
5 Milo’s. If you answer anything but Milo’s, I can no longer help you. If you say Red Diamond, our relationship is over.
