Begin dictation. Drexel! Are you writing this? Keep up, or you’ll be back to being my footstool.
To the Royal Miller Writing Society,
That insufferable Puffenstuff! Of course I must concede that his pet theories are supported by all reputable pedagogues, naturalists, and, indeed, empirical fact, but there are plenty of other explorers out there to write about, to make no mention of the more handsome, wealthy, well-dressed, and pleasant smelling ones. Myself for example! While I ever so briefly hesitate to tinkle on my own clavichord, I’d like to humbly suggest that my recent work with ethos, pathos, and logos, those lovely persuasive appeals, is not just groundbreaking, but will fundamentally alter our perception of reality at large.
Drexel! I see you laughing. Another smirk, and you’ll lose eye contact privileges for a month. Where was I? Ah, yes. My enduring and glorious legacy.
Why just the other day, I managed to unearth a specimen of purest ethos:
My fellow Americans…
The implications are simply astonishing! Imagine how useful it could be for a politician from that grotesquely egalitarian republic across the Atlantic. They’d be able to establish a common ground between themselves and their general public audience, thereby presenting themselves as a likeable, credible speaker. Why, they’d be able to put it in the first line of a speech. With appeals like this, they might even be able to get the greasy plebs to put them in office!
And that, dear friends at the Royal Miller Writing Society, is why I am the brightest luminary of the century, rather than that execrable Puffenstuff. Not that I’m bitter, mind you. I have remained as impartial as I am magnanimous, despite his disgraceful comportment at the 203rd Polo Tournament last month.
Regards,
Theodore C. Plunkett Pennywaithe
End dictation, Drexel. Good show.
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